"Liking"

Throughout human history, people in society have always developed relationships with new technologies. Today, it seems like more and more people worldwide are connecting to social network sites, especially Facebook, and people are always trying to keep up with the latest technological gadgets like smartphones, IPods, and computers. People, especially young people, are spending numerous hours of their day commenting, posting, accepting numerous “friend requests,” chatting, and most important, “liking.” Liking on Facebook has become the new normal for when people find a post, comment, video, or update that they really like, and they can share that information with their friends and family. In his article, “Liking is for Cowards. Go for What Hurts,” Jonathan Franzen argues that technology products like Facebook “liking” are “great allies and enablers of narcissism.” With Facebook, every single member of this site is considered cool and special because social network sites make it easy for people to filter out their real-life identities so that only there most likeable characteristics and qualities are being portrayed in their online profiles. Thus, social network sites and other technologies can be self-serving and  pretending to be likeable and cool online by accepting every friend request, by liking every status, and by always keeping up with the latest technologies has its consequences on the relationships and friendships people have offline.

First of all, social network sites can diminish or reduce and alter the meaning of friendships and relationships because these sites are making it harder for people to deal with rejection. Specifically, sites like Facebook and Twitter allow and encourage users to collect hundreds and hundreds of “friends,” and these sites give people a false sense of hope that every single person they meet will like or even love them. Franzen points out that “we can all handle being disliked now and then, because there’s such an infinitely big pool of potential likers. But to expose your whole self, not just the likeable surface, and to have it rejected, can be catastrophically painful.” Thus, since liking has become the popular action on social network sites, it has become the easy way out of not having to deal with rejection by escaping to online worlds like Facebook that falsely show each individual is cool by portraying the good sides of him or herself.  However, people do not realize that they must come to terms with pain, hurt, dislike, and discomfort eventually in real life. Jaron Lanier states in his article, “The Serfdom of Crowds,” that he knows “quite a few people, most of them young adults, who are proud to say that they have accumulated thousands of friends on Facebook. Obviously, their statements can be true only if the idea of friendship is diminished” (16). Lanier brings up a good point because in the end, the glamorous, self-centered lives people create and build on Facebook and on other online profiles are basically lies that are incompatible with authentic, loving relationships or friendships.

Social network sites help people connect and “friend” with a wide variety of people from all parts of the world; however, since this technology only creates a positive, likeable image of the self, real love in relationships can be diminished  because of likeable technologies and self-centered online profiles that people have personalized, designed, and created. Liking is incompatible with loving someone because people cannot appropriately win the approval of someone they love through technology or sites like Facebook. Society has created a consumer culture with consumer technologies that are designed to be liked. However, “there is no such thing as a person whose real self you like every particle of. This is why a world of liking is ultimately a lie. But there is such a thing as a person whose real self you love every particle of” (Franzen). In other words, a person cannot find an authentic, loving relationship through filtered online profiles or self-seeking technologies. Lanier argues that “when technologists deploy a computer model of something like learning or friendship in a way that has an effect on real lives, they are relying on faith. When they ask people to live through their models, they are potentially reducing life itself” (18). Thus, technology and the act of liking diminish (and ultimately replace) the act of love through commodification because the tools, gadgets, and sites people use on a daily basis are just really reflected back on themselves.

           

Love is a selfless act, an idea that social network sites and technology are not at all familiar with. A real loving relationship is about stepping away from the latest, likeable technologies and the irresistible Facebook profile that only reflects a partial image of the self. A loving relationship is about figuring out and exposing the good and the bad qualities of another person by turning away from the lies and the narcissism that Facebook interfaces, smartphones, and other technological innovations tend to present. Overall, acquiring the most Facebook friends to be popular, clicking the like button to be cool, and always liking and having the latest technologies are all a part of a consumer, advertisement-driven culture that may be fun and cool. However, at the same time, it is not always the right choice to accept every friend request, click every like button, or to surround the self with every single new device.

Franzen, Jonathan. “Liking is for Cowards. Go for What Hurts.” The New York Times. New York            Times, 28 May 2011. Web. 11 April 2012.

Lanier, Jaron. “The Serfdom of Crowds.” Harper’s Magazine March 1998: 15-19. Print